A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
