dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
