soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
