hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
