just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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