sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
