Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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