I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize