you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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