3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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