I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
