I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
