woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
