Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
