Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
