He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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