I can't watch pbs sober anymore
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
