$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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