Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
