i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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