I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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