there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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