sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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