when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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