so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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