we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
