Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
