she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
