i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
