i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
