he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
