I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize