the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
