I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
