i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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