i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
