if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
