I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
