i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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