I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
