i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
