you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
