if you like me you must not know who I am
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
