Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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