kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
