i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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