All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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