I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
