So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
