Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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