Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
