apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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