I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
