Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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