What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
