so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
