Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
