Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
