"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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