don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
