So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
