There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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