Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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