I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize