sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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