i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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