So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
