Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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