You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
